Why is it that chronic illness can leave you feeling like a hypochondriac? When one thing leads to another and then another and then yet another? A flare of days turns to weeks turns to months……
When I wrote my last blog post I had no idea and certainly no intention that it would take me so long before I would be back again. So often we speak of pacing and the need to prioritise for our own self preservation, but even this can become physically and mentally exhausting.
Chronic pain combined with brain fog, combined with the disability of the dislocated right shoulder (yes of course I am right handed), multiplied by the hot weather doubling the effects of POTS and the number of faints, equals in some strange algebraic type equation a hell of a couple of months!!
I am lucky to be an admin for a great group called the Chronic Illness Bloggers and I always prioritise the scheduling of their posts to Facebook as number one each week. This means reading each blogger’s post to check that it adheres to the group rules ahead of scheduling and this is a past time that I look forward to – my guilty pleasure, for sure. There are some seriously good writers out there and each week I come away having learnt something new, hungry to try another different recipe and generally inspired by our community. Brain fog and painful hand spasms have led to writer’s block on several different levels for my own writing……and on reading some of these wonderfully written and thought provoking blog posts, I have actually questioned my ability to write and felt a little intimidated.
The longer my flare and writing drought have endured the harder it has been to find my way back. The inevitable thoughts of losing readers and poor stats start to creep in as the ever popular “how to write a successful blog” type posts crop up daily on my social media feeds. Social media – aghhh! Has anyone else found themselves drowning in the inability to keep up with all the different platforms, when a head that has been stuffed with a mixture of cotton wool and candy floss will not allow you to remember how to even eat breakfast? Scrolling down the ipad on Instagram is enough to set off hand pains, and keeping up with world politics on Twitter is enough to trigger a migraine!
Two days later and I am back to try to finish this post. The last couple of days have been filled with fainting, trip to the doctor, more fainting, CIB scheduling, even more fainting and….oh no, the increase in symptoms caused by monthly hormonal fluctuations!! Great. But….I have read and scheduled more blog posts – found great tips on managing pain, journaling, the importance of a great support network to name but a few – and I thought about why I started blogging in the first place. I knew nothing about stats and social media platforms – I wasn’t on Facebook or Twitter, and Instagram was just a word that the kids threw about. Not once did I think about the numbers who might read my ramblings about chronic illness and family life. I wanted to share my experience of living with chronic pain and chronic illness – at the time having a spinal cord stimulator implanted to help with nerve pain – and maybe give something in the same way that I had received support and hope from other blogs. Writing can be therapy, a distraction, an outlet, a hobby and a sanctuary.
So here sits this zebra attempting to write…hopeful and thankful and wanting to re-engage with this wonderful blog family.
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PS: I am also the owner of some fab mauve fingerless compression gloves that help keep the spasms at bay when I type – hurray!