Unforeseen – Life’s Curve Balls – coming fast and furious

It has been one of those weeks where nothing has quite turned out as we thought it would – the culmination of some tricky events that have escalated over the summer.  I can’t write about them yet – they aren’t just mine to tell.  But the impact on the family is great and a dash up the motorway has left this body feeling more decrepit than ever.  Chronic pain is flaring and spiralling.  Emotions are flipping between tears of worry and screams of anger; a lack of sleep and a definite lack of concentration is overwhelming.

I am sorry to have missed Monday Magic yesterday.  This poem that I found by Patricia Grantham seems appropriate!

Lifes Curve Balls - Poem by Patricia Grantham

Book review: The Pursuit of Ordinary by Nigel Jay Cooper

I was given an advance copy of this book through The Book club on Facebook in exchange for a fair and honest review.

What would it be like to one day be walking along the road with your wife, feeling the impact as a car crashes into you and then to be watching your wife cradling your dying body?  But then you realise that you aren’t watching yourself die from some faraway place, but you are actually in a body and have a voice….that belong to someone else?!

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Pursuit of O Pin

Dan is a homeless man, wandering the streets of Brighton when he witnesses this fatal car crash and his life changes completely.  His head is suddenly inhabited by someone else, claiming to be called Joe and saying that he is the dead man.  How can this be happening?  Add into the equation the wife of dead Joe, staring at him at the scene of the crash and asking over and over if he saw it….Dan/Joe doesn’t know what is happening!  Sometime later he comes across the wife, Natalie, sitting in the park and after he speaks to her, he determines to follow her home and Joe wants to tell her that he is still here.

Natalie is stunned when the homeless man turns up on her doorstep several months after the death of her husband Joe with his story.  She surprises herself and Dan when she lets him into her home, and then into her life.  Does Natalie truly believe that her husband is somehow now inhabiting another man’s body, or does she have a different motive for inviting a stranger into her home?  Does she even understand this herself – after all she is a grieving widow?  As Dan starts to open up about his life before he found himself on the streets, is it possible that Natalie can help him to find his way home again?

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This is a beautifully crafted surprise of a book.  The storyline is actually very simple, dealing primarily with human relationships and emotion. The writer manages to explore bereavement, grief, love and anger, whilst also including domestic abuse, family conflict, manipulation, miscommunication and mental illness.  The growing relationship between Natalie and Dan is fascinating as they learn to trust each other and themselves.  They are flawed characters and yet the way that they change and grow made me alter my opinions of them along the way.  Mr Cooper has written these characters with such compassion and tenderness that it is impossible not to care for them.  I felt that this care was also shown toward the secondary characters – Dan’s father, Natalie’s parents and even Joe’s mother.

This book is not what it seems to be at the outset.  But then the title should give us a clue, as what is the definition of “Ordinary” – it will be different for all of us.  In the current climate it is wonderful to read a novel that has such a positive and empathetic insight into mental health and mental illness.  There are surprises for both the reader and the characters as to who has the greater needs and the importance to have insight into one’s own situation.  Whilst the story is simple and focuses on these two, or maybe it is three people, there are many twists and turns that will pull you in and certainly had me hooked.

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I found this an intense and emotional read from start to finish and would describe The Pursuit of Ordinary to be absolutely extraordinary. A huge 5 stars!

Publisher: Roundfire (27 april 2018)

Goodreads Author: Nigel Jay Cooper

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nigeljaycooper/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/nijay

 

Available from

AmazonUK:

AmazonUS

Waterstones

Barnes and Noble

Foyles

WHSmith

About the Author – Nigel Jay Cooper

Writer and author, born in London, England. He now lives in Brighton (via Nottingham) with his partner, their two children and greying ginger dog.

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Following on from the success of his bestselling debut novel, Beat The Rain, Nigel’s second novel The Pursuit of Ordinary will be published on 27 April 2018 and is available to pre-order now. Nigel was nominated for a Goodreads Choice Award in the Best Debut Author for Beat The Rain. Nigel previously worked as a writer and editor for Channel 4 Television and as a newspaper sub editor.

He’s a sometime marathon runner and occasional actor and singer in local musical theatre productions. Sometimes his brain switches off and lets him sleep, but not that often.

Kids’ Book Review from Raisie Bay – “The Goldfish Boy”

I found this lovely book review on “Raisie Bay My Blog, My Way” and I think that it follows on nicely from my last review covering autism.  This book is aimed at children aged 9 – 12 years old and included in the narrative is the serious anxiety related condition Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).

I bought this book because the theme called out to me. I thought it would be a good read for my 11 and 9 yr old daughters.
There are always those kids at school that behave a little differently and are hard to be friends with. Maybe they are bullies, or maybe they are just too unlike anyone else. Maybe they are just like the main characters in this book.

The Goldfish Boy is a story about Matthew, a twelve year old boy stuck in his bedroom because of debilitating OCD. But what is OCD and why does Matthew have it? ……

Please read the full review here: Review: The Goldfish Boy by Lisa Thompson

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Empathy isn’t just for Xmas

We have been so unwell since my last post!  Duncan and I haven’t stopped coughing yet, I lost my voice completely last week – much to the delight of the kids – and have forbidden the student from coming home as I’m sleeping in his bed.  I have missed out on the various nativity productions at my primary school and have cancelled so many socials with friends I have lost count.images (7)  Panic started to kick in at the end of last week when the cupboards were bare and the fridge was empty, so we hauled ourselves coughing and wheezing to the supermarket.  As friends commented that they were busy getting everything done for Christmas, I was thinking that I hadn’t even thought about it let alone started!  Going from post operative recovery straight into flu/cough for nearly 3 weeks has not been a great seasonal prep time.

I have to admit that I have struggled with my back – coughing is rough at the best of times, isn’t it, putting stress on the abs, causing headaches and stress incontinence for us girls.  So the added stress on a not quite healed operation site has been tough.  My implant site (right butt!) and right leg has been so sore that some mornings I’ve woken up feeling like I’ve been beaten up and even resorted to my post op naproxen again.  The stimulation has actually made my nerve pain worse whilst I’ve been ill – I wonder why?  After nearly 3 weeks I am so fed up!  But on the up side, I have managed to get into the hairdresser’s seat this week and it is official – I am no longer grey.  Thanks to my lovely friend Bev, I now look and nearly feel 10 years younger!  Duncan and I got out to a carol service for the other school where I sit on the alumni association – I sang the carols beautifully.  Really easy to do when, as you open your mouth, no sound comes out!  It was here that I was given a piece of advice from an old school friend who has lots of remedies from his Indian grandmother.  We do lemon and honey hot drinks (unless like my brother and I, you can’t stand the smell of honey – long story going back to our childhood, our great grandmother and pots of coffee “thickened” with honey!!) whereas he recommended turmeric in hot water…..mmmm, delicious!  But I have been that desperate that I would give anything a go and, sweetened with a spot of brown sugar, it has proven oddly soothing.  Duncan has been well enough to drive to his parents today, we have shipped the teenage daughter off to stay with my brother and sister in law (thanks, Sandra!), and the boys are still at school/uni……so I am enjoying a glorious couple of days in an empty house.  Just me and my dog and rubbish Christmas movies……

For this is the season for goodwill, over indulgence, sentimental tv and bonhomie, isn’t it?  How many of us struggle to maintain the cheerful face as everyone around us appears to be having such a fantastic time?  Whether it is loneliness, grief, poverty or illness, there are a myriad of reasons out there that actually make this time of year very difficult for some of us.  Guilt is another emotion that gets in the way.  Guilt that you aren’t feeling jolly; guilt that your condition is keeping your loved ones from the activities that you feel they should be a part of; guilt that others feel that they must tiptoe around you; guilt that you can’t do for your friends and family what you would want to; guilt for feeling jealous of them.

It really is so true that when the chips are down, we find out who our friends are.  Over the twenty or so years since I have had my back problems, I have been surprised more than once by both the friends who have stepped up with support and those who have not!  This old adage is even more true with a chronic condition.  I am well aware that for some people my disability makes me a bloody nuisance these days, but it can still be hurtful.  I don’t want to have to constantly ask for a lift for instance, but when “friends” just no longer even think to ask or offer it is tough.  I was listening to the fantastic Adele’s song “Million Years Ago” and she seemed to be singing my song when she describes “not being able to stand the reflection I see; my life flashing by; missing my friends, when my life was a party to be thrown; but that was a million years ago”. images (8) I can see my friends’ lives moving on, careers unfurling, travels taking them far and wide, and I do feel that mine has come to a stand still.  Self pity?  I hope not.  More being realistic and understanding my limitations.  Note to self – New Year, new pain relief with the scs, new stage in my life!

I received a text today from a very supportive friend apologising for being a “rubbish” friend for not being in touch recently.  Yet her teenage daughter, who has an Asperger’s diagnosis, had tried to commit suicide.  Have you noticed that it is often the people who are in the most difficult situations themselves, who are also the very people who do make the time for their friends in need? I guess this goes back to the “when the chips are down” again – when we have been there maybe we develop a heightened empathy.  A friend who has been particularly supportive of me and of Duncan since his  mental health breakdown last year, has undergone her own battle with breast cancer, including extensive reconstructive surgery earlier this year.  Kylie Minogue took the time to surprise a young woman in her home, with a party live on a BBC show last night to “thank” her for the work that she has done for a breast cancer organisation.  What marks her out is that she was undergoing her own treatment for breast cancer, diagnosed in her late twenties, looking at the possibility of infertility, and yet pushed herself to run marathons, fund raise and praise the bravery of other women around her.  Of course Kylie had her own personal experience to drive her to want to do something for this young lady.

download (1)Christmas!  Looking on the bright side, Star Wars is back in our cinemas, the X Factor has finished and Jose Mourinho has been sacked……sorry, Duncan!