Book review: The Pursuit of Ordinary by Nigel Jay Cooper

I was given an advance copy of this book through The Book club on Facebook in exchange for a fair and honest review.

What would it be like to one day be walking along the road with your wife, feeling the impact as a car crashes into you and then to be watching your wife cradling your dying body?  But then you realise that you aren’t watching yourself die from some faraway place, but you are actually in a body and have a voice….that belong to someone else?!

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Pursuit of O Pin

Dan is a homeless man, wandering the streets of Brighton when he witnesses this fatal car crash and his life changes completely.  His head is suddenly inhabited by someone else, claiming to be called Joe and saying that he is the dead man.  How can this be happening?  Add into the equation the wife of dead Joe, staring at him at the scene of the crash and asking over and over if he saw it….Dan/Joe doesn’t know what is happening!  Sometime later he comes across the wife, Natalie, sitting in the park and after he speaks to her, he determines to follow her home and Joe wants to tell her that he is still here.

Natalie is stunned when the homeless man turns up on her doorstep several months after the death of her husband Joe with his story.  She surprises herself and Dan when she lets him into her home, and then into her life.  Does Natalie truly believe that her husband is somehow now inhabiting another man’s body, or does she have a different motive for inviting a stranger into her home?  Does she even understand this herself – after all she is a grieving widow?  As Dan starts to open up about his life before he found himself on the streets, is it possible that Natalie can help him to find his way home again?

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This is a beautifully crafted surprise of a book.  The storyline is actually very simple, dealing primarily with human relationships and emotion. The writer manages to explore bereavement, grief, love and anger, whilst also including domestic abuse, family conflict, manipulation, miscommunication and mental illness.  The growing relationship between Natalie and Dan is fascinating as they learn to trust each other and themselves.  They are flawed characters and yet the way that they change and grow made me alter my opinions of them along the way.  Mr Cooper has written these characters with such compassion and tenderness that it is impossible not to care for them.  I felt that this care was also shown toward the secondary characters – Dan’s father, Natalie’s parents and even Joe’s mother.

This book is not what it seems to be at the outset.  But then the title should give us a clue, as what is the definition of “Ordinary” – it will be different for all of us.  In the current climate it is wonderful to read a novel that has such a positive and empathetic insight into mental health and mental illness.  There are surprises for both the reader and the characters as to who has the greater needs and the importance to have insight into one’s own situation.  Whilst the story is simple and focuses on these two, or maybe it is three people, there are many twists and turns that will pull you in and certainly had me hooked.

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I found this an intense and emotional read from start to finish and would describe The Pursuit of Ordinary to be absolutely extraordinary. A huge 5 stars!

Publisher: Roundfire (27 april 2018)

Goodreads Author: Nigel Jay Cooper

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nigeljaycooper/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/nijay

 

Available from

AmazonUK:

AmazonUS

Waterstones

Barnes and Noble

Foyles

WHSmith

About the Author – Nigel Jay Cooper

Writer and author, born in London, England. He now lives in Brighton (via Nottingham) with his partner, their two children and greying ginger dog.

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Following on from the success of his bestselling debut novel, Beat The Rain, Nigel’s second novel The Pursuit of Ordinary will be published on 27 April 2018 and is available to pre-order now. Nigel was nominated for a Goodreads Choice Award in the Best Debut Author for Beat The Rain. Nigel previously worked as a writer and editor for Channel 4 Television and as a newspaper sub editor.

He’s a sometime marathon runner and occasional actor and singer in local musical theatre productions. Sometimes his brain switches off and lets him sleep, but not that often.

Monday Magic – Inspiring Blogs for You!

A bit late in the day, but I hope those of you in the UK are having a fantastic bank holiday weekend and enjoying this wonderful weather.  I managed my scheduling for Chronic Illness Bloggers this morning, and then the heat got the better of my POTS – that is postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome – and bahm, over I went.  The shoulder was already dislocated so that wasn’t a problem, but the student engineer didn’t manage to engineer the wheelchair sufficiently under me and I slid straight onto the floor.  My lovely old dog, who always knows when I’m not quite right but hasn’t got the true makings of a helper dog due to his own autistic traits, did his bit to bring me round – dog breath probably rivals the smelling salts of Victorian ladies any day!

Monday Magic Inspiring Blogs for You! 7th May

But all is well and this zebra managed a trip to our local park in the sunshine this afternoon….even walking some of the way!  Dogs walkers were out in force, alongside families and lots of smiles.  One of the nicest groups we saw was an antenatal/NCT type – easy to spot from the cluster of very self conscious new dads standing up and holding tiny new babies and the mums sitting on the grass with enormous bags under their eyes, but equally enormous smiles.  There were several young men looking like they were handling rugby balls, with a look of mild panic mingling with joy – the “help, what am I supposed to do with this little pink squirming human?”.  Funny how a home has to be vetted to have a new puppy, yet a new baby doesn’t come with a manual….and neither does a teen or a twenty something!

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One zebra, with supplies, ready and raring to go

Exams are under way – the student engineer is nearly no longer requiring the “student” moniker and is about to sit his second “final” exam.  GCSEs are starting in earnest for the lovely girl, having had the obligatory “muck up day” last week involving hundreds of rubber duck, balloons and the odd water melon. Don’t ask!

This week there are some old friends back on my blog list, plus some bloggers who are completely new to me – like Erin at QuintessentiallyMe and Carrie Anne Lightley.  There are some delicious looking brownies, some mindset tips and some flash fiction.  So sit back, with a glass of something tasty and enjoy!

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Hubby and a few zebra accessories for EDS Awareness Month!!

https://www.carrieannlightley.com/single-post/Barcelona-by-Wheelchair

https://strengthandsunshine.com/easy-thick-fudgy-one-bowl-gluten-free-vegan-brownies-allergy-free/

http://www.beecontentyoga.com/vacation-mindset-every-day/

https://painresource.com/depression/10-worst-foods-for-depression-and-anxiety/

https://quintessentiallymeblog.wordpress.com/2018/04/17/dont-cling-onto-high-school/

https://roughwighting.net/2018/05/04/between-the-lines/

https://awriteradolescentmuse.wordpress.com/2018/05/06/story-sunday-the-moments-before/

http://givingcharlie.com/motivational-monday-dealing-with-life-ups-and-downs/

http://www.gardeninglove.co.uk/mood-lifting-activities/

https://natashatungare.wordpress.com/2017/01/08/life-is-too-short/

Please like, comment and share posts that you enjoy.

Have a great week,

Claire x

 

Observe our Stripes – the Daily Prompt for EDS Awareness

EDS Awareness

 

OBSERVE our stripes – we are rare – we are zebras – we have a genetic connective tissue disorder – we have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome!

#EhlersDanlosAwarenessMonth #FragilebutUnbreakable

Ehlers Danlos Awareness Month Challenge! Spread the word and tell the world about EDS

EDS AwarenessTake the Challenge! (1)

 

This challenge has been started by Tayler @strugglinsmol on Twitter and she would very much like all zebras to take the challenge and help spread awareness!! Please share, tweet and join our #FragilebutUnbreakable challenge!

Here goes:

  1. Hypermobile EDS
  2. Officially in 2012 aged 43, unofficially aged 20 as a student nurse orthopaedic surgeon told me I had Marfans syndrome (another connective tissue disorder),  also hypermobility & Mum’s and my long limbs/fingers noticed by a GP when aged 7
  3. POTS, migraine, Raynauds, difficulty regulating body temp, gut motility probs/gastroparesis, chronic back pain & cauda equina syndrome.
  4. Very….slightly less so now than as a teen!
  5. Moderate
  6. Wheelchairs, walking sticks, crutches, motability car
  7. Spinal cord stimulator implant, heat, drugs, more heat, cushions & stretching, yet more heat
  8. Mainly all back surgeries – laminectomy, pedicle screw fusion, redo of fusion with extension, spinal cord stimulator implant, x3 c/sections, minor shoulder & knee exploratory
  9. For surgeries, pain management, gut management
  10. Normal now is constant back and leg pain due to nerve root damage – managed with spinal cord stimulator, limited mobility, worst POTS symptoms in the morning after breakfast, at least one dislocation per day and generalised background pain, poor stamina, nausea & slow gut, unable to feel when bladder is full
  11. Flares vary – generally pain is far less predictable & out of control, brain fog/memory problems, fatigue, POTS flare when unable to even sit up without fainting, blood pooling in hands and legs, breathlessness, lack of concentration, visual and smell disturbance (migraine)
  12. Fab GP, Pain specialists, Cardiologist, Rheumatologist, Orthopaedic surgeon, Gastroenterologist, Urologist……
  13. In our local small supermarket with hubby – I had walked with a Smart crutch, but as we got to the checkout those familiar POTSy feelings came and I was unable to sit down fast enough.  Next thing I knew I was coming round on the floor, shoulder dislocated as arm stuck in my crutch, with a very nice young man at my side rushing for water…..hubby? Well having checked I was safe on the floor, he carried on paying for the shopping telling the bemused cashier “Oh, don’t worry she does this all the time”!!! Her face was a picture.
  14. This has to go to be shared by 2 physios, 20 odd years apart…..the first told me as a 21 year old student nurse that “You nurses are all the same. It is in your head”…..despite my footdrop, no reflexes, and double incontinence – corda equina syndrome!!! Following my second spinal fusion and discovering I had nerve root damage & thus permanent pain, my rehab physio decided she would be able to “cure” me.  During my second visit she told me that I needed to work harder to get some movement into my lower spine…..erm, I don’t think so!  There are enough screws and filler in there to hold up a kitchen cupboard – IT  ISN’T SUPPOSED TO MOVE, WOMAN!  We agreed to part company.
  15. I have been so lucky – but my pain specialist at St Thomas’s actually believed me and has made life bearable AND my cardiologist who also believed me and knew about EDS & POTS (I was so convinced my tilt table wouldn’t show anything)

I will save you from more wittering today and publish the second half later this week!

#FragileButUnbreakable #EhlersDanlosAwarenessMonth #ZebraStrong

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Not even doing the full bend here – don’t do this at home!

 

 

May is Ehlers Danlos Syndrome Awareness Month – Why the Zebra?

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I warned you yesterday that I will be going totally overboard with the EDS awareness posts and zebra pictures this month.

To kick us off here is a quick explanation of “Why the Zebra?”

Medical students/junior doctors have always traditionally been taught to look for the simplest explanation when diagnosing a patient in order to prevent misdiagnosis of rare conditions.  If it looks like a horse and it sounds like a horse……if you hear hooves, think horse…..etc!

In medicine the term zebra is used to describe a rare disease/illness/condition, but often it can feel that medics forget that whilst rare, zebras do exist and can struggle to get a diagnosis and treatment.  This is frequently the case for Ehlers Danlos Syndrome patients, and so we have become known as medical zebras.  This has been adopted by the worldwide community now as the identity for EDS and through the use of social media helps to unite us.

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Monday Magic – Inspiring Blogs for You!

The last day of April and the showers are having a laugh as they are more like downpours.  Hubby has gone into the abyss this morning – or rather the Year 5 activity week in Kent where he has mud, zip wires, mud, archery, more mud, climbing, yet more mud and fun!  All with approximately 60 nine and ten year olds…eeekkkk!  There will even be a disco one night, so I hope he remembered to pack his sparkles.

MM 30th April

 

The main event of the week in our house has been the student engineer turning 22, although at times I wonder if it was 5.  His mood swings are off the scale at the moment and the lovely girl and I are counting down the days until his final exams are over – he is always a complete nightmare to live with during exam season!  But I don’t know where the time has gone but my little boy has grown into a young man about to enter the work force (hopefully with a top notch degree in Electronic Engineering) and a world where he speaks a different language to his parents (tech!!).

The lovely girl took her final art exam and passed with full marks.  Her work will have to be moderated, but unless the moderator looks at it with completely different ideas to her art teachers, she will have an A*.  She is so modest that she will hate me for even writing about it – I wish I could say she inherits her talent from her mother, but I’d be lying.  No, not from her father either before you ask!

 

Yours truly  has been fitting in a couple of book reviews and a trip to see the wonderful film Journey’s End around an ongoing migraine – you know the type that you think has gone and than a flicker of sunlight and bam, there it is again.  Several days on now and it has gone, but my head is still stuffed full of cottonwool and my tongue has been secretly pumped with fillers!  The film, adapted from the play by R.C.Sheriff an old boy of my school, is something that I would like to review as a separate piece for you, so watch this space!

Finally, May is Ehlers Danlos Syndrome Awareness month so I give you fair warning now that there will be a constant supply of zebra stripes on this blog.  Meanwhile I hope that you will find my selection of posts this week both enjoyable and useful.  There are pieces about tick bites and Lyme disease,  how to relax doing art, and getting a dog.  For ladies of a certain age Tasheenga brings us “That Bitch Big M” – seriously funny!!  There are also a couple of very inspirational posts from within the wonderful spoonie community!

So grab a coffee, turn off your phone and sit back to enjoy some great blog posts.

http://supermomhacks.com/stuff-i-love/protect-your-kids-from-tick-bites/

http://www.youcanalwaysstartnow.com/2018/04/23/painting-dot-mandalas/

https://tasheengawriteshere.wordpress.com/2018/04/16/that-bitch-big-m/

https://mydailyjournalonline.com/theres-lot-thankful-world/

https://www.unboundroots.com/earth-day-lesson/

https://imsickandsoareyou.com/2018/04/29/when-a-cat-person-gets-a-dog/

https://pseudomonaz.wordpress.com/2018/04/28/to-be-continued/

https://mashaellman.com/2018/04/27/take-time-to/

https://www.sicklessons.com/depressive-sleep-gift/

https://www.ajourneythroughthefog.co.uk/2018/04/be-proud-of-every-step-you-take/

As ever please share some love for these bloggers on your social media sites.

Have a great week,

Claire x

Vote for Hidden Stories in the People’s Projects lottery funding – bringing people together with hidden illness and disability #SundayBlogShare

I have shamelessly lifted this direct from the Root Experience website as they have contacted me to ask for help to vote for their Hidden Stories initiative to win funding via The People’s Projects for the UK lottery.  This is a vitally important service for people suffering with invisible illness/disabilities and as someone who lives with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and chronic pain every day, I am very happy to be an advocate for this project.

The voting closes on Monday 30th April at midday.  You will find links to vote below.

Please also have a look at the Root Experience website here and it would be fantastic if you would share this post on your social media,

Thanks, Claire x

hidden-stories

Hidden Stories is about helping people to share their experiences of what it’s like to live with an illness or condition that can’t be seen. It’s about replacing loneliness, fear and stigma with compassion, understanding and empowerment.

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HELP US SHARE MORE HIDDEN STORIES

Ninety per cent of people who relate to having a disability don’t have any visible symptoms, which often leads to misunderstanding, judgement and isolation. We want to shine a light on the wide range of emotional and physical struggles that are unseen in our communities, and encourage more compassion around them.

So we’re helping people with life-limiting ‘invisible’ conditions – from anxiety to autism, OCD to ME – share their experiences as part of an illustrated book designed to open up conversation and offer support.

With a People’s Projects grant, we’d be able to hold storytelling workshops and work with support groups in Worthing, Brighton, Southampton, Portsmouth, Chichester, Swindon, Oxford, Bournemouth, Crawley and Woking. Then after publishing our book, we’d distribute it for free on our Hidden Stories tour.

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THE HIDDEN STORIES BOOK: A MANUAL FOR CHANGE

Hidden Stories will enable people to learn about different conditions – and also seek support if they need it. Alongside personal accounts, there’ll be adaptable open letters which can be used to help explain conditions to family, friends and colleagues. The Hidden Stories book is only the beginning. We intend to build a ‘living library’ to help as many people as possible to tell their stories – because only by sharing our experiences can we begin to change how we see and behave toward one another.

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THE HIDDEN STORIES JOURNEY

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At the start of our journey, we helped people with ‘invisible’ illnesses tell their Hidden Stories through a series of creative groups resulting in an interactive exhibition at Brighton Dome. We used storytelling, visual arts and soundscapes to find different ways of exploring and expressing their conditions. This has already made a difference to the participants’ lives. It’s helping them to feel more visible and valued within their communities, and more empowered to talk about their experiences without fear of judgement.

Here are some comments about the exhibition at Brighton Dome, as well as snapshot of our creative groups…


THE HIDDEN STORIES BLOG


JOIN OUR SUPPORT GROUP

We’ve started an online Hidden Stories community for those living with or affected by invisible conditions and disabilities. As a closed Facebook group, it’s a safe place for sharing stories, asking questions, and for mutual support and solidarity – amongst  people who really know how you feel day to day.

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HELP US TO CONTINUE OUR WORK

Hidden Stories is an opportunity to talk about what’s unseen in our communities. Through our work we want to challenge perceptions, combat loneliness and invite people on a playful exploration of what it is to be human. Please vote for us to win a People’s Project grant, which would enable us to create our Hidden Stories book. You can also support our work ongoing with free donations every time you shop online – just sign up at our easyfundraising page. If you’d like to donate directly, please get in touch.

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Join our mailing list for updates on Hidden Stories and to get more involved in the project.

Illustrations copyright of Tinne Luyten

Monday Magic – Inspiring Blogs for You!

It is time to share some more blog posts with you after a beautiful weekend here in the SE of the UK.  Hubby would probably moan as of course with a little bit of sunshine the garden begins to grow and he has had to mow the lawn…again!! The younger members of the PainPals house have been enjoying the sun and the Queen’s 92nd birthday in different ways.

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Monday Magic Inspiring Blogs for You! 23 April

The student engineer is edging closer and closer to the finishing line of his course, and one major piece to complete is the final year group project.  From the cursing coming from his room, I think that I can safely say that the quadcopter they have been re programming has not performed or given them the data that they hoped for.  Whilst our student engineer is happy to write up a detailed report (how detailed – remember his middle name is lastminute.com!) explaining why the flying machine failed to perform, the other student engineers keep appearing on our doorstep from London wanting to try something new.  He is not impressed – but the beautiful park that is on our doorstep played host to these young engineers playing in the sun on Saturday – time that could have been spent revising for final exams, I am told!!

The politics student disappeared up to London on Friday and told me he was off to Hyde Park.  Naive mum here didn’t realise that there was a big gathering including lots of students in Hyde Park called 420 Day – Support for Cannabis  – “but you talk about use of medical marijuana for chronic pain & MS, Mum!!”.  I am told that his friends were playing football and sunbathing, and that “there were loads of people and no trouble”. He has returned to uni today with a slightly pinker neck and lots of reminders about what might happen if he mixes his migraine and anxiety drugs with other substances, including alcohol!!

Finally the lovely girl is busy preparing for her art exam tomorrow – panic has set in over the weekend and she is working on her final sketchbook, the glue gun is working in overdrive and various household items are being smashed to add to her final piece!  A trip to the local part also helped with some more photographs to add to the Fragments theme, which she is has interpreted as mould and decay…..hmmm, attractive.  Actually the trial pieces she has prepared look pretty good….but I will be happy to get my lounge back!

Yours truly actually managed a night out, having had a light induced migraine since Friday.  I went with my mum to see the wonderful “Remembering Fred” starring Jeanette Manrara and Aljaz Skorjanec from the BBC’s Strictly Come Dancing.  Lovely night which I will write about again – but I actually felt like me!  I put on clothes that due to drug induced weight gain I hadn’t worn for a while, I put on some slap, looked in the mirror…and there I was! The person that I remember, not the pasty worn out trout I have become used to seeing.  Eldest son commented after I had used the lovely girl’s concealer under my eyes that I did look different – “I’m used to seeing you look really tired!” – not you look nice, Mum!  But with a bit of concealer and a slash of red lippie, you would never have known just how anaemic I am or that the weight loss probably hasn’t been for particularly healthy reasons (gastroparesis & gut problems).

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Girls’ Night Out!

On to the matter in hand and sharing some fab blog posts that I have read this week.  From a yoga class with a resilience theme to a beautiful poem to some useful blogging lessons, there is a huge variety.  I must issue a mascara warning with both Sheryl from A Chronic Voice’s post and Brutal Honesty Blogger’s post about remembering family.  Time to make that cuppa, put the phone on silent, sit back and enjoy!

https://clockworkclouds.wordpress.com/2018/04/16/appreciating-uncertainty/

https://bysarahwhiley.wordpress.com/2018/04/19/nothin-but-tracks/

http://www.healthyeatingexperts.com/i-tried-a-3-day-detox-for-the-first-time-heres-what-happened/

https://kellyontherun.com/2018/04/20/helpful-hints-for-the-newly-diagnosed/

https://www.chronicmom.com/2018/04/people-in-pain-want-alternatives-to-opioids.html/

https://www.beecontentyoga.com/february-class-theme-resilience/

https://whoamumma.com.au/2018/04/19/a-day-in-the-life-of-a-chronic-pain-sufferer/

https://www.achronicvoice.com/2018/04/15/death-broken-heart/

https://blondewritemore.com/2018/04/22/what-my-blogging-break-taught-me-sundayblogshare-bloggers-blogs/

https://brutalhonestyblogger.wordpress.com/2018/04/23/remembering-family-23-4-18/

Please share posts, leave comments and show some appreciation for great bloggers!

Have a great week,

Claire x